THOUGHTS | DECEMBER PART 2 |

I think I had a kinda great social media life. I don’t think I had even received any negative comments or something and I’m quite active. In my ”personal” Instagram account I’m kinda in sleep faze, can’t remember when was the last time when I posted something, but I think it’s just because I’m not confidence now with my appearance, I don’t want that my really ”sweet” classmates could talk behind my back negatively and stuff ( they are gossiping 24/7) and I don’t have that interesting content to put out there. I’m losing followers and stuff, but I don’t give a f*ck about it. Back to my school days when I used to post about 3 times per week and stuff and was so stressed about every single lost follower. Was kinda addicted to watch and maintain my Instagram account. My mood could change just of the number of followers. Now, it’s funny to look back at these moments, to old me. How stupid I was?!

I used to throw shade on famous youtubers, bloggers, instagramers that would say how haters, negativity are stopping them to put out the content they really want. I always think how can you be not brave enough to upload,eat or say something. Is the hate in social media that bad? But now I know. It’s not great, pleasant and yes, it’s bad. I did not received any hate on my posts or something, or some different social media accounts, but I received hate on my comment. My comment was written on one of the Jon Olsson vlogs. And I was not a hater, I was a some kind of fan! I written how much I enjoy his vlogs and stuff. I can’t really remember the direct comment, because I tried to delete it from my head when it get negative response, but it was nice, kinda fan comment. And then after few hours later my comment was replied by other users. They was making joke about my comment. They were saying I used bad word and other stuff…I’m really anxious person. I can start to stress out very easily about anything. Also, I’m very sensitive. So when I saw how my comment was replied and stuff I was freaking out. Even my hands started to shake and I tried to understand what I did so wrong to receive that, what is so bad.. While I was freaking out I even get another reply. Not nice either. I used to comment on youtube videos, always left kind, nice comments so I never been into situation where I have to delete my opinion. I was so stressed out about this situation that I was trying to figure out if I can delete my comment. And when you are stressed out you are kinda lost, it’s really hard to coordinate your next decisions. After stressing out I finally deleted my comment ( it was super easy) and after that I felt like a “rock” just felt out of my chest. I would never imagine that my nice comment after someones video would get this reaction. And now I understand social media hate. I understand the famous instagramers, bloggers, youtubers and I’m giving you my respect. I get 0,05% of hate that they get every single day and it’s their job. This little accident change my opinion on social media and people in general.  Hate on social media and hate in general is such a heart breaking thing. It can change your day, mood, opinion…Everything. But the haters are creating they own little drama that’s all. I’m so lucky that I haven’t receive any more social media hate in my life. This is not pleasant at all.

Also, I’m kinda sad and sensitive now because of the drama that are happening in my family. It’s not happening to me and it would probably not even have an effect in my life, but I don’t know. I just feel really upset. Back to my childhood days I used to spent a lot of time at my god parents house. I had strong connection with my cousins. Of course, when they become moody teenagers I was still a child so our connection was kinda missing, but I still felt for them. One of my cousins, Victoria, is really smart, she went to the uni and stuff, she was my idol, but then her brother Vinn, is totally opposite than she. He was not such a good kid.  But I always had a connection with him. When I was a little girl we used to play together, when I become a teenager he would tease me, but we always had a bond/connection. But then he moved to London with his girlfriend, come back home and they become proper family. I had kinda bad opinion about his girlfriend, later – fiance, but they have a child together so my hate was not so big. When my cousin become a father he changed 100%. It was so strange to see someone that I used to play with, someone that was a bad kid, now has changed completely. Someone that could not even know how to boil an egg become such a devoted father. He changed 100%. Of course, he tried to keep up with me so we still had our inside jokes, teas each other and stuff, even when he changed so much. Then, they moved again. We don’t had a lot of left in common and I become more close with his sister, Victoria. Then this summer he came back and visited us. For the first time I genuinely started to like his fiance. They were a great couple and I never see that these two people can lost their love. Their bond looked strong and real. Everyone from our family felt connection with his fiance, well, we had about 3 years to feel it so.. After some quality time spent together with his little family our lives moved on. He went back home, my parents too, I moved to Vilnius….My mom keeps strong connection with Vinn, she always had that with him. She is probably like second mom to him. But now, I received the news that my cousin was left alone..His fiance, the one that I started to like this year, left him alone. Their break up story line reminds me a movie. He was working and then, after a long work day, when he come home he found their house empty. His fiance packed her bags and moved to the new place. Without him knowing. And long story short, his fiance left him just because she wants to have carelessly life without child and stuff, she wants to take a loan from a bank and have a several plastic surgeries.She wants to have easy life…The things she named was shocking, but in the end I think that everything happened because their connection, love is missing or even gone forever. So now, my cousin is taking care of his child, working hard as f*ck and living alone with broken heart. The biggest tragedy of this story is that his fiance make a fuss about that he did not payed enough attention to her and blablabla and the funniest thing is that her story, lies is so stupid that her mom, sister are mad on her for making such a things up, lying and making these decisions. In my family we have not had any divorces and stuff (well, in extended family we had, but I don’t know them, I don’t care as much of their lives and their stories was not so heartbreaking)  so I can even imagine how hard this actually is. How hard that is to live and get on with. How hard is for his family, when everyone had connection with his fiance and was used to her. How hard is for him, for someone that I had strong bond with,that changed as a person and now was left alone with his child. It’s just breaks my heart. I never could imagine that this scenario could happen. But in the end, everything becomes better with time and for their child is better have divorced parents than two people that lives under one roof without any love and respect for each other. This situation is so f*ck up, but time heals.

R.V.E.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s