This is so strange to read what I did exactly one week ago. Proud of myself that I manage to write this and probably this one would be super strange, but fun to read even some more time later.
2016 12 14
First alarm goes on… ”Snoozed” for about 10 more minutes. I think I slept for 4 hours or something, because I tried to learn as much as I could for my Invertebrates exam that is coming up on Thursday.
Finally, left my apartment, and of course 10min. late than I planned. Lucky, that bus come just after I come to the bus stop.
I finally reach my destination – faculty of chemistry. It’s so pretty inside. At least on of the faculties have Christmas decorations up. It makes me feel more festive. Thanks to this faculty.
After 2 or 3 months being absent in my ”personal” social media accounts I made a super silent comeback. Posted 2 videos and some pictures from festive faculty. 11 people watched my story so I guess I’m super star now.And I believed they watched it just because of their nosiness and curiosity of how my life has been going. My old classmates need some new shit to talk behind my back so here we go. 2017 will be year that I would do a little revenge to them and I would say ”thanks for these nice and happy years in school when you were bulling me”. I hope that my plans will work out for them, because they deserve it + they deserve even more..
Chemistry exam started. Major fail. And not that upset about it. I did not prepared for this exam, don’t even read my notes or something because I was fully into invertebrates. So sorry chemistry, you were forgotten and exchanged this time.
Exam done and laboratory work begins. Testing water from my apartment. This laboratory was really easy&fun. It’s strange how relaxed I was during this laboratory, because 90% of this type of work I’m just stressed out and supper anxious about everything.
Left faculty and felt these mixed feelings about it. For whole semester I was hating these laboratory works and stuff, but now I’m kinda upset that they are over. Maybe because professor is kinda nice, but on the other hand he is supper bitchy and mean sometimes. I don’t know why, but closing this page of chemistry did not left me feeling super happy as I thought. Maybe these challenges that I had to face it during these hard laboratory works was great for me? And this stressing out and anxiety taught me something. Maybe..
On top of that, I was the first one to leave my chemistry class so yaaas b*tches bye, bye. + other time when we were doing laboratory project and I asked politely my course ”mate” if she could help me and tell me what that mean, she just screamed to my face like ”i’m working leaaaave me alone!!!!”. And it was not that hard job at all, plus she probably don’t even knows what ”working hard” means in life. After this I was keeping tears in my eyes for the whole time that I have spent in the class and didn’t asked anyone or say anything for the whole time I was there. This was very hurtful to me, maybe of how emotional I’m for what is happening in my family or maybe I was just hurt, because it was the first time in my university life that I asked for help, answer and I get this..Not pleasant experience at all. And this time this ”lovely, nice” young lady was showing me sings and trying to ask for my help in every way you can imagine but I pretended that I’m super stupid and did not get what her body language and actions means.
Taking pictures of faculty of chemistry, because I don’t know if I’m going to step inside this gorgeous building ever again.
+ sending pictures to my mom to show off.
After multiple photo shoots that I manage to give to this part of old town I finally reached my destination – bus stop. Was really pissed of, because in the TV showed that I have 14 min. till my bus comes and I was really cold, mainly, because I was taking pictures, videos and everything and had to take my gloves off. And I think this sacrifice was pointless because I manage to take only 1 photo that is good. Thanks to the circumstances, but my buss came about 2min after I made my visitation to this stop, so station TV was lying. And it was an amazing lie.
Finally reached my apartment. Made some tea, opened my advent calendar and talked to my mom for about an hour. Such a mommy’s baby I am.
Decided to take a nap – finally!
Wakey, wakey.. Super hard to get up. One of the hardest things…Gave myself a little bit more time in bed and was killing time in instagram like I always do.
Finally stepped out of my bed. It feels like somebody just punched my head, brain. Strange and hard feeling.
15: 30 pm
Made some ginger&lemon tea, eating super cheap cookies and trying to convince myself to studying.
15 :40 pm
Little chat with my family and seeing that the divorce drama has taken a whole new level. Made the conclusion that some people should not use Facebook or other social media accounts. Or at least, they have to stop to writing comments. At least.
Made a plan- study invertebrates for 2 hours and then 10min break, and then study about algae or latin and then back to invertebrates.
Plan do not works. Taking a break for invertebrates and listening to Kanye’s ”Stronger” and imagining that I’m VS model that is waking down on the podium back to 2011 show.
17: 35 pm
Break takes a little bit more time than planned. Had a little chat with one of my old classmates that I’m keeping connection. She wrote my that this faculty (she saw it on my Snapchat story) looks like Hogwarts.
After seeing my group ”mates” chatting in our Facebook group I finally convince myself and push myself to have courage to ask to one of the girls from my group if she could sent me what they did in one of the lectures when I was absent. And she sent me what I asked for!!!! Happy dance! After the incident in the chemistry laboratory I was super scared of asking something and things like that, so the fact that she texted my back and sent me what I asked is priceless and supper exciting for me.
Realized&saw that this girl had a poor camera or something because I could not read anything that she wrote. Quality of these pictures that she sent is sh*t. The joy is gone. But still I’m happy that she helped me and sent me these pictures that does not have any point.
Back to studying my invertebrates & having panic attack about it.
20: 25 pm
Break, eating chocolate and feeling super tired. + back to studying after few minutes.
Nothing stays in my head. It feels so pointless.Sometimes I don’t even understand what I read. Robot feels..
Made a studying plan for invertebrates. And told f*ck it to so many pages and decided which ones I could learn or at least, understand.
Breaaaak!!! Listening to Rihanna’s ”Rude Boy” and walking around in my small apartment. I know, my music taste today is super rubbish, but for now I’m living in these kinda old songs and remembering my youth and these innocent and easy days when I used to listen to the same song, but in different circumstances.
Too tired..Decided to go to sleep. So my plans were f*cked up, and I have not even opened my latin or algae notes…Don’t know how my lectures will go.
Skincare routine is done. Hello, sweet dreams!!!
P.S. invertebrates – I hate you.