”The home is where the heart is”. The quote that has been around for a really long time, but was never understood by me. I can write that I did not had a normal childhood or teenage years at all. That time was a little bit different. Because of my family’s bad financial situation my parents left me to live with my grandparents when I was 12. From then till the moment I moved I lived with my ”grandparents”. But maybe when I was 14 years old, I started to live on my own. Like a true adult. My grandparents and I shared the same yard, but the shopping, cooking and all household was on my shoulders because I wanted to be like this and I fighting for this. The love that my grandmother had for me was unconditional and sometimes that love was bad for me. She did too much for me and that was not good for me or her, so after some time and drama of course, she let me to do everything for myself. It was hard. Grocery shopping, when you live in village with no shops around you, without driving license, car and stuff. Looking back at that time, I was so young, but so brave and dedicated, that just leaves me so surprised, because at that time I was not thinking about what I’m doing, I just did what I needed to do.

My grandparents is a little bit…strange I guess. For example, some people wanted to buy some land, territory from my grandparents and my grandmother rejected their money and all that because she wants to have it for her, but my grandad, her husband, had a different look at this situation. He wanted to sell this, because the money he would get he would buy new car, invest in himself and what would be left he planned to gave to his sister that has debts.. I don’t know, maybe that is not shocking, but it’s a little bit hurtful for me. My parents work so hard, I can’t have a job, because my university schedule is full from the lectures and stuff, I have to pay for education, living in the city, my apartment and stuff. I really need to be careful with my finances and I need to plan everything. From the day I turned 18 my grandparents forgot about me. I do not have in mind presents, money and stuff, but they did not come even to wish me happy birthday, they did not even came to my graduation and stuff. And that hurts, because they are the only living grandparents that I have and they just do not want to be a part of my life. They just isolated me. And going back to the land situation when I heard my grandads plans, what he will do with the money, was kinda unpleasant to my ears. I wished that he would even mentioned me in some aspect. Maybe in this situation I take this mentioning that he cares about me, because it’s not about the money for me. I just wanted to hear and see that he cared about me, even a little bit.

Well, when I was a teenager, I was really materialistic and the understanding about home was all up to my things I have and I did not even thought that when I would move from my home I would not want to go back there. But life is life and things happens. When, I moved out and my parents lives abroad, the coming back ”home” showed me that home is where your heart, family, support, joy is. Because when I step inside of my own house I just feel emptiness and heartache that my own grandparents cut me off from their lives. But still I had a place that I could call home at least.

Of course, many things do not go as planned, so turns out that the house I lived for 18 years will be given to someone else, not me, my parents, but to other human being. My parents built this house from scratch, they invest so much energy, money and stuff to have this house, place where I grew up, and my grandparents decided to not let to have this place to his only son, my dad, they are giving my ”home” to other… I just feel bad for my dad, that his parents can do this for him, when he did nothing. He took care of them, helped, loved…And then he was rejected, just like I was. Rejected by his own parents.



2 thoughts on “THOUGHTS | MAY | PART 1|

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