I don’t know how to start this post with this current situation we all live in. It has effected us all, in a smaller or bigger way. I want to capture this moment, my thoughts in here too, even though I really understand that we see enough of this everywhere.
Today I saw a really nice words on Instragram. Someone wrote, that most of us has said the phrase: “Stop the world I wanna get off”. Sometimes tiredness and overwhelm took the lead, but now seems like everything turned into opposite direction and world is saying that to us. And maybe we need to stop with him. We have to. And now, we have the opportunity to rest.. From work, others and ourselves too. It’s the best time to study ourselves, analyse, decide, improve.. grow. It’s time to learn how to live again.
On Thursday, right before I went to my lecture, I received a letter from university that this is the last day of “normal” studies till April, quarantine will begin and everything uni related will be done online. It really felt like I was in a movie while going to the lecture and seeing panic, anxiety, hearing these scary thoughts everywhere. It felt so surreal. Only the capital city decided to do quarantine. I still was so positive in a way.
On Friday there was more cases of this virus ( today/ now as I’m writing this we have 12 in total), everything started taking more and more serious actions and from tomorrow country will be in full quarantine. Only food shops and pharmacies will be open for the shorter amount of time. No travelling, no social events, no get togethers and so on. I really understand this and I know it’s for the best.
My best friend had to come over for a visit, my birthday and all the celebrations, preparations (reservation at a restaurant, theatre tickets)…so many other projects, meet ups and then on 4th of April I had to fly and visit my family. I even calculated and crossed out the days every day. The end of March and April was the months full of so many amazing opportunities and now everything is gone. Everything is gone in a blink of an eye. I couldn’t believe that my trip would be cancelled for sure, I still thought that it was impossible and everything will be great after two days.. Well I lied to myself, but when reality hit me.. it was not the best. I cried for a few days, I was really anxious, super upset and all that.. It’s even hard now to thing that I won’t see my family, I missed them so much. I don’t know when I will see them, maybe in my graduation on June.
I live alone in a really really small apartment, I’m alone in this city, my family that are only in this country are my grandparents, 4 hour train journey and 2 busses away and I can’t be with them, because the travel is pretty long and I can catch a virus while going to them and pass( when their health is not the best) and there is no place of isolating me. I can’t leave this country, I can’t visit my family. I feel stuck. I feel scared. I feel lonely. Super lonely. And all I want to do is just to be with my beloved ones. Together.
It’s fun to think or look at this month planner. So much planned, so much dreamed about and everything cancelled.
I now kinda feel bad that I wrote so much negativity, but I wanted to pour everything down there. I understand how serious that is, I really taking this seriously. I understand that there is thousands and thousands of people that are in way way more serious and worse situation then I am. I know that.
But we will fight this. Everything will be good. We need to wait a little.
Love you all.
R.V.E.
RIVEMMAN 